Longing to Be Free

A brief sidetrack on graduation . . .

Around graduation time each year, I tend to think of Brutus. That's him to the left. (Sorry for the quality-- the picture is quite old.)

Brutus was my family's German Shepherd when I was growing up. He was loyal. He protected us kids and our home. He loved all of us, especially my dad.  He liked kibbles and canned dog food . . . together. He didn't care much for fetching tennis balls or frisbees. You didn't mess with Brutus. 

Longing to Be Free

For all of his wonderful qualities, Brutus had one fatal flaw that could have been his undoing. You see, as much as he loved all of us, Brutus longed to be free. You didn't dare leave the gate to the backyard even slightly open because Brutus would be gone in a black and white streak. I don't remember how many times my brother, sister, and I had to chase him down the street, screaming like maniacs with the neighbors thinking we were all crazy, and then haul him back by the collar, depositing him in the backyard where he resumed his watchful post by the back gate, waiting for someone to leave it open again.

Waiting at the Gate

Spend enough time around the campus of a K-8 school, especially in June, and you'll know why I'm reminded of Brutus. In particular, our eighth graders have been proverbially "sitting at the gate," waiting for their chance at freedom. 

None of us blame them. They're simply the most recent group of awesome young people to travel the ups and downs of nine years together. After so many years sheltered within the walls of our school, they are longing to see what else is out there. Like Brutus, they couldn't wait for someone to open the gate, so strong is their desire to explore the larger world of high school and beyond. To them, so much of what they think they want is outside that gate: freedom, freedom from rules, freedom from a dress code, freedom from conduct points, freedom from . . .

I wish them all the best, and I'm going to miss them. (C/O 2012-- you know it!) But, the time for rules and restrictions hasn't ended simply because high school is beginning.

The Importance of a "Gate"

As horrible and restrictive as our graduates always think the "gate" was for so many years, consider what it provides. The "gate" that is responsible behavior rules, a dress code, morality, the Ten Commandments, the teachings of Jesus Christ, has provided safety. It has provided order and structure. It has struggled to keep negative influences at bay, while placing the kids' focus on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious" (Phil. 4:8). 

The gate to our backyard kept Brutus safe. The "gate" at our school did the same for our students.

Dear Parents-- 

Whether you have a graduate or not, your children need two things from you: 

1. A gate- rules, restrictions, boundaries, a moral code, a faithful example.
2. To know that you'll chase them down when they bolt outside of that gate, screaming their name, not caring if anyone thinks you're a crazy maniac, because you love them more than anyone else possibly could. And, because you could care less if the rest of the world thinks you're crazy-- YOU know what is best for the child God has entrusted to you.

To the families of our graduates-- you have my prayers for continued blessings and strength as each day of your future arrives with the bright promise of God's love and kindness, despite difficulties and trials. Remain strong for your children!  God Bless You!

Class of 2012- We Love You!

Be Deliberate About Growing Virtues in Kids

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Take a Lesson from Life

Is your child on a sports team?  

Parents who desire their child to develop extensive athletic skills are often quite deliberate about signing their child up for sports leagues of increasing difficulty and competitiveness as the child grows. They desire their child to have the best coach, be on the best team, and compete at the highest level. They encourage the child to participate in the sport at every opportunity.

Is your child in a dance or instrument class?

The development of both of these talents is often an incredibly deliberate, well-thought-out process by parents. They seek the best studio or the best piano teacher. They enforce practice, practice, and more practice.

In the same way, teachers who desire their students to develop complex mathematical skills are quite deliberate about designing a curriculum that builds from one skill to the next, making it possible for the students to grow in their knowledge and capabilities. They enforce homework policies the provide the students opportunities to practice the skills they have taught.

Be Deliberate About the Development of Virtues

Now consider: Would you like your child (or students) to be wise? Understanding? Courageous? Holy? Do you pray that your child (or students) will grow into a faithful adult? A person of hope? An individual who gives from a generous heart? A saint?

If so, are you working as deliberately to develop these gifts and virtues?  Sometimes it's a lot easier to be deliberate about developing a child's athletic, performance, or academic skills, than it is about developing their character, their morality, or their faith.

Some parents can say, "Well, I send my child to Catholic school," just as some Catholic school teachers can say, "I teach a religion class each day." These efforts are admirable and worthy of respect.  However, each parent and each teacher needs to ask himself or herself, "Is this sufficient for the development of virtue in my child (students)?" Does this demonstrate the same level of commitment to developing virtue as does the parent who pushes a child into club sports, or the teacher who carefully monitors each child's math competencies?

Don't get me wrong-- I'm not advocating the kind of intense, high-pressure, stress-inducing parenting that can sometimes infiltrate youth sports programs, dance studios, and the like. Anything, taken to the extreme, can become a negative. What I am advocating is that each reader evaluate his or her own dedication and active involvement in the development of virtue in his or her children (students). 

Do we sometimes think the virtues will just happen? Do we leave them up to God? Do we feel better-equipped to coach our child (student) in soccer or math than in faithfulness, temperance, or courage? (I would argue, as complex as the math has gotten nowadays, teaching the virtues is much easier!)

In subsequent posts, I'll examine some of the virtues and the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the ways we as teachers and parents can be a little more deliberate about developing them in our children and students. Sometimes, just a bit more energy and effort can make all the difference in the world! If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk any less?

For more about the virtues and the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm.

Where Are We Leading Our Families?

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As usual (and in less than 140 characters) "The Bible Geek" (aka Mark Hart), has convicted me in a way that not many can.  Here is the tweet, dated May 20, 2012:

If we do not lead our families to God...

where are we leading them, really?

(See it on Twitter here.)

Parents and teachers, I leave you with Mark's words this week, and with a prayer that we'll all seek God first. By doing so, may we lead our families and students to God.

Thanks, Mom . . .

"My son . . . Honor your mother, and do not abandon her as long as she lives. Do whatever pleases her, and do not grieve her spirit in any way. Remember, my son, that she went through many trials for your sake while you were in her womb." (Tob. 4:3)

Thanks, Mom . . .

• for those nine months carrying me-- I'm guessing it wasn't easy.
• for ensuring that I was baptized, made my first (and second, and third . . .) reconciliation, received my first Eucharist, and was confirmed.
• for being my biggest cheerleader and fan, even when I kicked the ball the wrong way down the field.
• for dressing me in that hideous white blazer and red turtleneck one Christmas. (I had to learn humility somehow.)
• for getting me to Mass 15 minutes early each week so that I could be an altar server.
• for sending me to Catholic school for 12 years.
• for telling me that if I got in trouble at school, I was in worse trouble when I got home.
• for following through on that threat once. (Once was enough.)
• for not being afraid to use a ruler, wooden spoon, ping pong paddle, belt (or just about anything else handy) when I started getting out of line.
• for teaching me how to pray.
• for showing me how to begin and end my day with prayer.
• for praying for me constantly-- not just before bed or each morning.
• for sewing patches into the knees of my corduroy uniform pants.
• for making me learn to cook, iron, clean, change diapers, babysit, and braid hair.
• for making me write, "I will not lie to my parents" 5,000 times. (My hand still cramps when I hold a pencil.)
• for being a museum curator who could find a spot on the fridge for every drawing, no matter how bad.
• for teaching me to respect women by demanding respect for yourself and my sisters.
• for being a mediator/referee/judge-- whichever my brothers and sisters and I happened to need at the moment.
• for doing laundry-- LOTS of laundry.
• for being an excellent cook. (Except for that one casserole . . . you know which one I mean.)
• for leaving notes on my pillow each night to check in with me, especially when I didn't feel like talking.
• for always having a couple extra dollars in your purse each day.
• for never getting upset when you noticed those couple extra dollars were missing.
• for teaching me to put the toilet seat down when finished.
• for telling me that you'd be happy with whatever career I chose, even a garbage man, as long as I was the best garbage man I could be.
• for demanding that, no matter how late I was out Saturday night, I was at Mass Sunday morning.
• for loving my dad in a soul-encompassing, once-in-a-lifetime way-- I hope to love my spouse the same way.
• for loving my children even more than you love me. (C'mon, it's obvious . . . you let them get away with stuff I could never get away with.)
• for showing me, in your own way, the love my heavenly mother has for me.
• for doing it all without ever receiving a paycheck, an award, or even the occasional "Thank You" from your kids.

. . . for loving me.

Friends, I look forward to hearing the many things about your mothers for which you're thankful.  Please feel free to add them in the comments. Happy Mother’s Day!

You Are the Branches

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Today's gospel (Jn. 15:1-8) is pretty clear-- stay connected to Christ.

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. (Jn. 15:5) 

Simple, right?

Simple, until we humans get involved. We have a way of confusing the meaning of Jesus' words. Call it whatever you'd like: adjusting, tweaking, mitigating, simplifying... whatever your word for it, our goal seems always to be the same. We try to make the requirements just a little bit easier to meet.

We do this for so many reasons: 

• Jesus' commands are difficult to follow; 
• We don't want to feel bad about not being able to meet them; 
• We're too tired to make the effort; 
• We're too busy with other things to be able to put in the time necessary;
• We're unwilling to make the sacrifice it will take to follow Jesus. 

So we water down the requirements. That way, we can say we are good Catholics, friends of Jesus, and connected to "the vine," and we haven't had to do much (if any) of the uncomfortable, unpleasant stuff necessary to be a true follower of Jesus.

Sometimes we're not even aware that we've watered down Jesus' words. Verse 5 of today's gospel is the perfect example. We hear this gospel every year, and we think: "Hey, I'm doing good . . . I go to Mass once in a while.  I try to be a good person. I don't steal or kill." But is that all that Jesus means when He says "remain in me"?

Looking at a different translation of the bible helps us get an even clearer glimpse of what Jesus means: He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is who bears much fruit.(Jn. 15:5, Revised Standard Version- RSV). The dictionary definition of "abides" is "to have one's abode; dwell; reside" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/abides?s=t).

Can we honestly say we are "dwelling" or "living" in Christ when we aren't following one of His most basic commands, such as the Third Commandment: "Remember to keep holy the sabbath day." (Ex. 20:8), which is understood to mean that we offer Christ our public worship at least once a week, on Sunday?

Can we honestly say Christ dwells within us if the last time we confessed our sins in the Sacrament of Reconciliation was six months ago? A year ago? Ten years ago?

Can we honestly say we live in Christ if the television or Internet gets more of our time than our bible?

Friends-- I believe we can do better for Him who gave all for us! If we truly began "abiding" in Christ without watering down what that means, imagine the powerful example we'd be setting for our children! Start small and build. 

• Increase daily prayer time by a few minutes this month. 
• Pull out the bible each night for five minutes to read the New Testament or Psalms. (Access it online HERE, download it for your Kindle HERE, or get the Catholic Bible app for iPad HERE) 
• Make a commitment not to miss Saturday evening or Sunday Mass with the kids for the rest of this month.

If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk any less?

Life Interrupted

As I thought about today's Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, it hit me that both discerning and being open to God's will for our lives can be a serious challenge.

As human beings, we are used to the idea that we get to decide our future: our occupation, our home, our spouse.  We typically get to decide what we want, when we want it, and exactly how. Fortunately for us, that's usually when the ruler of the universe steps in to make things interesting.

Any feast of St. Joseph (there are several!) is the perfect day to contemplate God's amazing and sometimes unpredictable way of working in our lives, for St. Joseph is just one saintly example among many of a life "interrupted" by God.

Think about it from St. Joseph's point-of-view for just a moment:

You're young. You're engaged to a beautiful young girl. You've got your own business, your own house-- heck, you've even got a donkey! Life is looking good. And then, God steps in. He takes all of your plans about wedding, marriage, family, work, home, and He replaces that with one of the greatest challenges He could ask of anyone: foster-fathering His own Son, the savior of the world.

Talk about a change of plans! And yet, Joseph accepts God's work in his life without complaint. Through prayer, he discerns God's will, and he remains open to the messages that God sends in dreams. Ultimately, God's plans for Joseph's life work out far better than Joseph's own plans ever could have. 

St. Joseph's life and example are reminders to us of the virtues of faith and trust in God, with whom "all things work for good." (Rom. 8:28) Let's make sure our kids know St. Joseph's story, and that they know about the blessings that flow from trusting in God!

For more on St. Joseph . . .

Watch Fr. James Martin talk about "The Hidden Life of St. Joseph:"

And for a little humor, Mark Hart (The Bible Geek), describes what it must 

have been like to be St. Joseph:

Second Graders Receive Jesus for First Time

     On Saturday, April 28, 2012, the St. Pius V Catholic School second graders (and several students from other grades) received Jesus for the first time, surrounded by their families and friends. Special congratulations to all who received, and to their families!

      Watching the students approach the altar to receive Jesus, their parents' hands on their shoulders guiding and supporting them, I was filled with a great sense of joy. As an adult, the Eucharist strengthens and sustains me, and so I'm very happy to see these students take another step towards this kind of relationship with Jesus.

     I ask you to join me, this week, in praying for the second graders (and those few others) who made their First Communion on Saturday. Even more, though, I ask you to join me in setting a good example for them. Let's all show them how to be faithful adults by attending Mass at least weekly on Saturday evening or Sunday and receiving Jesus worthily.  Let's show them how to be human and humble by making peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Let's set the tone in our households by praying with our kids, and by providing them with the type of experiences that are the "fertile soil" in which their young faith can grow. 

     May God continue to bless us all!

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Struggling to Believe

"The Church truly knows that only God, Whom she serves, meets the deepest longings of the human heart, which is never fully satisfied by what this world has to offer." (Gaudium et Spes, #41)

     Let this quote from Pope Paul VI's Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et Spes ("Joy and Hope"), sink in, and ask yourself the same question with which I struggle-- do I believe this deep in my heart?

The human heart . . . is never fully satisfied by what this world has to offer.

Only God . . . meets the deepest longings of the human heart.

     As faithful as I try to be, I expend a lot of energy chasing things this world has to offer in order to try to satisfy the longing in my heart. As much as I tell God that all I want is Him, the reality of my life doesn't always live up to these words. Anybody out there in the same boat?

     So, if we struggle to believe this or to live it, imagine the confusion and struggle in store for our children (and students), whose eyes are trained on us, absorbing our beliefs, being formed by our guidance, and being shaped by the reflection of our own relationship with the Heavenly Father. Perhaps it's time we throw ourselves completely into our Father's arms, asking Him to take the place of all the things we seek out as we try to meet the longing of our hearts?

     If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk doing any less?

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Who Taught You How to Love?

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Who taught you how to love? 

Not the feeling of affection.  That's a natural emotion. No one had to teach you that, and it's not love-- agape love. I mean, who taught you how to give selflessly to another person, not counting the cost, day in and day out, without complaint? Loving selflessly does not come naturally to us-- been around a three year old lately?  So, who taught you?

Your mother?  Father?  A grandparent? Your spouse? A close friend?  

In the Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes, the Church teaches that "Parents . . . are, so to speak, the interpreters of . . . [God's] love." When I stop and think about this, I can't help but get a little bit nervous.  After all, "selfless" isn't always the best word to describe me, and yet there it is in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2214: "The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood."  One way to translate this is that I am to reflect God for my children (and my students). I am to "interpret" God's Son-sacrificing, pain-enduring, grave-shattering, unending love in a way that they can come to know God more closely, and (as if that weren't hard enough) desire to love in that same way someday themselves. Thankfully I (and you, too) am not on my own in this. Supporting me in this endeavor are my Savior, my Heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit, the entire communion of saints, and a worldwide (and local) Church. (I'm going to need all the help I can get.)

Like I said, I'm not the poster child for selflessness.  Are you?  Sure, we all have our moments, right? But, a good examination of conscience for both parents and teachers might be to look at our own actions through the eyes of our children/students: Do I work without complaint? Do I set aside my own wants in the service of others? Do I show my children/students "a still more excellent way" (1 Cor. 12:31)-- the way of love?

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2214)

Parents . . . should realize that they are thereby cooperators with the love of God the Creator, and are, so to speak, the interpreters of that love.  (Gaudium et Spes #50)

Heaven First, Harvard Second

Last week I had the pleasure of visiting a Catholic school in San Diego, California for an accreditation visit as part of a team of educators. ("Accreditation" is education jargon for the process a school undergoes in order to evaluate its programs, plan for future improvement, and then have their work reviewed by an outside committee of educators.) During this process, I was able to meet with members of the school community-- clergy, administrators, teachers, students, parents, alumni-- everyone with whom I spoke enjoyed sharing their experiences with the school.


During one meeting, however, a school parent said something that really impacted me, and I offer it to you for your consideration: "I send my child to this school because it's heaven first, and Harvard second."


Needless to say, I was floored by the simplicity and beauty of this parent's statement. I found this thought to be both an inspiration and a challenge. As both a parent of a Catholic school student and as a Catholic school administrator, these five words-- heaven first, and Harvard second--  will, I hope, keep my priorities straight as I guide my child and my school.  


Yes, the parent in me wants my child to excel academically, and the administrator in me wants to provide the strongest, most challenging academic program we can for our students.


But, eternity edges out academics for me-- both personally and professionally. The faith development of my student/our students has to be number one, with academics being the second highest priority. When we put God first, the rest falls into place:


But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. (Mt. 6:33)


Have a blessed Holy Week and Easter.

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