Boy . . . Was I Wrong!

It hit me recently . . . I've been dead-wrong. 

Here I thought I knew a little something about raising kids. After all, I am second-oldest of eight and was babysitting since age 10; I worked in a group home and a youth shelter during college;  I had 16+ years of experience in elementary school teaching and administration; and I had one child of my own along with numerous nieces and nephews. I figured, "Hey, I know a little something about this stuff. I can share some of what I've figured out over the years."

Then my second child came along, a daughter, now about 18 months old, and I've spent the last 18 months coming to terms with just how little I actually know. This beautiful little girl has defeated all my usual approaches and defied my most tried and true methods. 

Like an old western stand-off, she matches my "angry daddy" face with her own "angry toddler" version. She can go from joyfully giddy to terribly unhappy in under 0.2 seconds for no apparent reason. She doesn't even laugh at my silly faces. I used to keep my son in stitches with that routine, but it produces the opposite result with her. She makes me feel like I've been doing this whole raising kids thing flat wrong!

Yet, she's got the most infectious smile (when she feels like it). After a long day at work, I am still turning the key in the front door when I can already hear her screaming "Daddy!" on the other side. She's a hugger . . . and they are truly the best hugs.

Of course, I attribute all the good stuff to my wife's influence, but maybe I had a little something to do with it. I guess what I'm saying if you've read this far is-- if I know one thing, it's that I don't know it all. Kids have a funny way of showing you this.

So I'll continue to share what has worked and what hasn't. I'd love to hear your stories in the comments or via email (mrc@stpius5school.net), especially if you've got a few stories of parenting "fails" like mine . . . I could use the company!

God Bless.

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Dear Teacher,

This past Friday I had a singular honor. I was privileged to be present when a former student of mine from the St. Pius V Catholic School Class of 2000 received her teaching credential. 

I'm not ashamed to say that there was a tear (maybe two) in my eyes as I sat in the gymnasium at California State University, Fullerton during the ceremony. Surrounded by her fellow credential candidates and their family members, my former student-- now all grown up-- delivered an address on behalf of the entire student body present.

In many places her speech read like a heartfelt thank you letter. She expressed a humble recognition of the support of her own teachers, family, and friends, while at the same time bubbling over with enthusiasm for the career upon which she is about to embark. 

Dear Teacher,

Here are a few excerpts from her speech:

     I stand here today as a result of not only my hard work and dedication . . . but also the hard work and dedication of all of my teachers, past and present, parents, and anyone who helped me . . .
     My presence here is evidence that what we do makes a difference in the lives of our students.
     We all have people in our lives who've inspired us: friends, counselors, parents . . . who have encouraged us and gotten us to where we are today-- receiving our credential, and getting ready to change the world.
     We can live in the kind of world we want, as long as we are willing to create it. And, I hope that whatever we create honors those who have guided us and supported us along the way.
     May we take what we have learned and use it to inspire the next generation of teachers. (J.L., CSUF Credential Recipient, May 24, 2013)

What this graduate doesn't realize is that her humble words inspired me. Her words were a shot in the arm . . . a reminder of why I started in this career in the first place.

Her final words were a quote from Brazilian author Paulo Coehlo: "Be blessed.  And just as you are transforming your own life, may you transform the lives of those around you."

I'd say that sums up the experience for me quite well. Thanks, J.L.

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What Kind of a World...?

The last few months have been trying. I found myself worrying quite a bit. Sometimes my feelings even strayed into the realm of anxiety, fear, or hopelessness. I'm not concerned about the aspects of life closest to me, like family or work. It's the stuff happening in the world out there.

Recent events in Boston, school shootings, an economy that doesn't appear to be getting better. People, in general, just seem to be more angry, more uncaring, and more concerned only with taking care of #1. I found myself sometimes saying , "What kind of a world are we living in?"

The fact that I have young children only complicated the matter for me. Having kids added the dimension: "What kind of world will be left for my children?"

Addressing my Fears
Two things helped me address these fears. First, I heard someone say that he, too, used to worry about the kind of world his kids would inherit, but he became too depressed. Instead, he chose to focus on what kind of kids he's leaving to this world. This shift in perspective has had a huge impact on me. I may not be able to impact worldwide change for the better, but I can raise my children to be people of hope, generosity, compassion, and love. The world will need people like that.

Second, I realized that I was focusing on the darkness. I had taken my eyes off of God, and I was looking only at the negativity and evil. I had forgotten my goal of placing myself in His care and trusting His providence. 

Making these two shifts in my perspective has greatly helped. I get the feeling this will be a long road, though. After all, there will always be evil and darkness in this world-- this isn't heaven. We deal with the evil now; someday, our children will. My goal is to leave the world children who rely on God as their source of strength and hope. Perhaps they'll be able to bring that hope to others someday. 

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The Boy Who Lost Jesus

A story is told of a young boy named Johnny (my apologies to all "Johnny's" out there!), who attended a Catholic school. Johnny was an energetic young lad, who caused his teacher, Sr. Mary Catherine, no end of headaches.

On a particularly busy day for Johnny during which he had pulled Suzy's hair, kicked his classmate Bobby, and tipped over the class pet's fishbowl (poor Bubbles the goldfish!), Sr. Mary Catherine couldn't contain her frustration any longer. She marched Johnny to Fr. O'Malley's office.

Fr. O'Malley sat behind his big desk in the pastor's office of the rectory, carefully scrutinizing the boy Sr. Mary Catherine referred to as "one of God's precious ones." Finally, Fr. O'Malley said in a deep, booming voice, "Johnny, where is Jesus?" Johnny's crystal blue eyes stared up at the pastor as a blank look filled his young face. Obviously, he didn't understand that Fr. O'Malley wanted Johnny to answer, "Jesus is inside me!" so that Fr. O'Malley could point out that because Jesus was inside Johnny, Johnny needed to behave.

So again, Fr. O'Malley boomed even louder, "Johnny, where is JESUS?" The corners of Johnny's eyes began to fill with tears. In one last attempt to help this lost young soul recognize the error of his ways and the necessity of right conduct in accord with the presence of God within him, Fr. O'Malley bellowed, "JOHNNY, WHERE IS JESUS?"

At that, Johnny dashed from the pastor's office, bolted through the door of the rectory, and ran all the way home, not stopping until he had slammed the door of his bedroom behind him. His mother, having heard the commotion, came to Johnny's bedroom and found him hiding in a corner. She said to him, "Son, what's wrong? Why are you hiding?"

Johnny replied as honestly as he knew how, "Mom, Jesus is missing, and they think I had something to do with it!"

Knowing the Right Thing vs. Doing the Right Thing
Looking back at our own upbringing, some of us may have encountered faith formation that seemed to have the purpose of filling the students' heads with knowledge of church history, scripture, virtues, commandments, and doctrines, in the belief that those students would then act morally and virtuously. Though these topics are all absolutely necessary as part of proper Christian formation, they don't automatically translate into a person behaving morally. Something else must occur.

Johnny knew it was wrong for him to pull Suzy's hair, kick Bobby, and terrorize Bubbles the fish, for instance, but his knowledge of right and wrong didn't prevent his bad behavior. His story illustrates the fact that: knowing the right thing doesn't necessarily mean a person will do the right thing. Even more, knowing what's right doesn't mean a person will choose to do right and actually love doing what's right. When I discipline a child at school, my goal is that they not only come to know what's right, but that they appreciate doing what is right.

This is especially true in our modern society. Knowledge of right and wrong doesn't translate into a love of right, and the choice to do right. If it did, young Johnny in our story might behave, and some corporate executives might not embezzle money from their companies, for example.

Making a Change: Accepting New Ideas & Adapting the Old
Sometimes we lose this emphasis as we discipline our children and students. Take Fr. O'Malley, for instance.  Though he meant well, Fr. O'Malley's approach to disciplining Johnny might not even work with many adults. If we, parents and teachers, are to help our students grow spiritually, morally, academically, and physically, we must be open to new approaches.

Vatican II's Declaration on Christian Education, #5 states that the vocation of teaching our youth "requires special qualities of mind and heart, most careful preparation, and a constant readiness to accept new ideas and to adapt the old."

Consider: what would help Johnny love right behavior and act rightly?  What approach is needed? What approach should we take as parents and teachers who desire our children not only to know the right thing, but to love the right thing and do the right thing? What kind of example do our children and students need to see from us in order to come to a love of doing the right thing?


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Community in Our School

Around this time each year, Catholic schools across the country observe "Catholic Schools Week." This is a time for all of us involved in Catholic education-- clergy, administrators, teachers, parents, students-- to celebrate the unique history of Catholic schools, and their importance in today's world.

So . . . what exactly is so important about Catholic schools?  According to the U.S. bishops, "Catholic schools afford the fullest and best opportunity to realize the fourfold purpose of Christian education, namely to provide an atmosphere in which the Gospel message is proclaimed, community in Christ is experienced, service to our sisters and brothers is the norm, and thanksgiving and worship of our God is cultivated" (Renewing Our Commitment to Catholic Elementary and Secondary Schools in the Third Millennium, 2005).

Although these are all great reasons for sending a child to Catholic school, I had an experience today that brought to light the "community" that Catholic schools create. 

And, to tell you the truth, it's exactly what I want for my children.

Community in Christ
During my school's Open House today, I met three special people who were visiting the classrooms and chatting with the teachers. At first I thought they were aunts and an uncle of one of our students, since I didn't recognize them.  As it turns out, all three were alumni of St. Pius V Catholic School from the late 60's and early 70's who had stopped by to visit during Open House.

Almost immediately upon meeting we began a walk down memory lane that involved fond memories of their time at my school. We talked about former teachers, principals, and friends-- the nuns who thwacked kids on the hands with rulers, the principal who was "so tall you could see his kneecaps through the upper-level windows," or the friends who'd gone on to do great things.

As they paged through books containing old class pictures, I couldn't help but feel such a great connection to them, even though I didn't attend St. Pius myself. The spirit of St. Pius V that they "soaked up" as students was still there, thirty years later when I became a teacher at St. Pius V.

Can any school create a sense of community, private or public? I suppose so. However, knowing what they'd learned at St. Pius V, and that it was the same as what I try to teach every day, means we have a connection through our Lord and Savior that goes beyond school history. It's this sense of community that encourages me and gives strength to my spirit.

I'm grateful for these honored alums who walked the campus of St. Pius V both then and today. I'm grateful for the lesson they taught me about community.  I hope and pray that thirty years from now my son will be able to come back to St. Pius V and feel that same sense of community.

Happy Catholic Schools Week to all!

A Resolution to Do "Less"

Many New Year's resolutions tend to be about "more." I will spend more time exercising. I will eat more healthy foods. I will do more reading, more praying, more walking, more . . . The idea seems to be that the way to happiness is by having, doing, or being more.

Perhaps this year it's time to resolve to do less?

Take for instance praying. Like me, on some past New Year's Eve you might have made a resolution to spend more time in prayer in the upcoming year. I remember being very motivated to spend this extra time talking with God, thinking of the spiritual graces that would flow from it, like greater patience or wisdom. Also like me, however, the extra prayer time may not have had the desired effect.

Why? More prayer time is always a good resolution to make. However, in my case I think what I really needed to do during that extra prayer time was less: less talking, less rattling off rote prayers, less focusing on my own needs, wants, and problems. What should I have done instead? Listen. Reflect. As one priest told me-- "sit in Christ's presence, stare into His eyes, and see the love He has for you there."

Less is More 
Often we'll resolve to be more patient with our children or more kind to our co-workers. In this case, why not call out the vice and resolve to commit it less? As I used to tell my 8th graders when preparing for Reconciliation, when it comes to a sin we have to "Name It. Claim It. And Change It." So the resolution for this year could really target the vice, "I resolve to be less nitpicking with my children." Or, "I resolve to gossip less with/about my co-workers."

Last year at this time, I wrote the ultimate "less is more" piece when I advocated leaving one of your New Year's Resolutions blank, allowing that to be God's resolution for you in the new year. (Leave Room for God's Resolutions)

My prayer for everyone who reads this is one of petition-- that God would bless you with less this year: less anger, less strife, less unrest, less doubt, less fear . . .  As you resolve to do less in order to make room for God in your life, may God bless you and your children! Be assured of my prayers for you!

NOTE: I originally intended for this blog to be weekly (mostly Sundays) during the school year. However, in the true spirit of my "less is more" resolutions, after 14 months I am finding that even trying to keep up with that infrequent schedule is putting a strain on me and my commitments to my wife and two young children. Although I'm sure there are those out there who can "do it all," I feel like I'm already doing so even without adding a weekly blog post to the list.

With that in mind, I resolve to write occasionally-- not necessarily weekly-- mainly when inspiration hits, or when the need arises. I look forward to the season of my life when I will again be able to commit to writing regularly, as I greatly enjoy it. In the meantime, I pray that God will direct my use of this small amount of time for the good of my family, my school, and my soul!

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Why, God?

As I stood outside the gate at dismissal on Friday, many of you asked me one simple question: "Why?"

Events like last Friday's in Newtown, Connecticut break into our daily routines, leaving us in shock. I found out while I was actually on the phone with an I.T. guy, talking about fixing one of our school's computers. He and I both took a moment just to absorb it. Since that time, my prayer intentions have included all of those affected, but especially the parents. As a parent of two young ones, the images of their grief tug so strongly at my heart that I can barely contain the tears.

Here is an excerpt of what we wrote to our school families today: 

. . . When evil so violently and shockingly interrupts our everyday lives, we are reminded that life is fragile, our lives are temporary, and this earth is not our eternal home.  

     When the result of our first parents' sin is an incomprehensible act of evil and the loss of precious innocent life, we are shaken to the depths of our soul. For a time, we see our lives, our families-- indeed, all of the blessings that God has given us-- in a different light. It's almost as if our vision has been refocused, and so much of what seemed important melts away. We find ourselves focusing only on what is enduring: our families, our children, and most importantly, the love of a God who knows the sorrow of seeing His precious child die.

Today, I have a simple prayer, aside from those that will continue for the victims and their families. Today, I ask God to help me keep my vision focused on those things that are truly important: His love, my wife, my children, my family and friends, and each and every one of you who comes in and out of our school each day, seeking the same focus. 

We're all traveling the same road to Heaven together. May God always bless us with His loving care.

Note: If you're struggling with the difficulties of talking with your children about violence and its effects, or if you need spiritual support, you may find these links helpful.

Talking to Children about Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers, National Association of School Psychologists
Talking to Kids about Traumatic Events, Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development
The Mystery of Pain, The Solace of Faith, An opinion piece by Fr. James Martin, S.J.
Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraphs 413-421, Read the Catechism in a Year, Day 62 @ flocknote.com

Thank You, Pius Parents

Dear Pius Parents:

This week's Christmas Program was truly an amazing event for all of us. The kids sang beautifully, and they had an amazing mix of reverence and joy that was infectious! We received so many compliments from you all. Some people even stopped in the traffic line the next morning to tell me how much they enjoyed it!

I especially want to thank you for the way you received the program in the true spirit it was intended-- as a tribute to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and as praise to our God, who took on human form in order to save us.

The more we worked with your children on their performance throughout the last few weeks, the more I saw how your children are hungry for meaning that goes beyond just being in the spotlight, and beyond personal attention or praise. As much as they may seem like they want to be on "Glee," they really crave something deeper. Yes (believe it or not!), our school kids have the capacity to see beyond themselves, even though I'm sure it doesn't seem like that sometimes! (Hey, I have a 5-year-old, too!)

This is a great time of year to help them develop their sense of a deeper meaning to life, one that goes beyond the latest gadget, the most popular game, or what's happening with the hottest celebrities. During Advent (which is also the beginning of the church's "New Year"), we prepare our hearts to greet the Christ child by remembering all that He has done for us, by welcoming Him into each moment of our lives, and by resolving to follow Him in the future.

A small group of our students, parents, and alumni did this just this week by visiting the Buena Park Nursing Center and singing Christmas carols for the elderly in residence. (picture above) 

Your kids long for their lives to be meaningful, and the simple truth is that they won't find lasting meaning in "things." They were created to know, love, and serve God, and by learning to do so, they will become the happy, generous, fulfilled people . . . and faithful Catholics . . . We desire them to be. We promise to keep working on this with you as we move ahead, striving to "build God's kingdom" by putting Christ first!

Thanks Everyone. Have a Blessed Advent!

Mr. Ciccoianni

According to Your Faith

The Healing of Two Blind Men
And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed [him], crying out, “Son of David, have pity on us!” When he entered the house, the blind men approached him and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I can do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they said to him. Then he touched their eyes and said, “Let it be done for you according to your faith.” And their eyes were opened. Jesus warned them sternly, “See that no one knows about this.” But they went out and spread word of him through all that land. (Mt. 9:27-31)

This gospel passage from Friday, December 7th has been stuck in my mind since I read it. I keep going back to the words of Jesus: "Let it be done for you according to your faith." Don't get me wrong-- the healing was all Jesus, and I believe He has the power to do it. But, I can't help thinking that if the two blind men had replied, "Well, sure. I guess. Why not?", instead of a firm and confident "Yes, Lord!", that the story would have ended differently.

After all, the Gospels relate several times that Jesus isn't able to provide much needed healing for people, and it doesn't have anything to do with Jesus. It's the lack of faith of those in need that block the healing. (Mk. 6:5, for example)

With that in mind, I can't help but wonder:

• What healing am I missing out on, or what sin am I stuck under because I think God couldn't possibly provide what I need, helpless and hopeless as I am?
• What blessings am I missing out on because my all-too-important human mind thinks logically instead of "miraculously," and I'm unable to conceive of the amazing things God could do in my life?

It all boils down to this: How am I limiting God's action in my life through my own unbelief? My lack of confidence?

What Legacy Am I Leaving?
As usual, my thoughts naturally turn to my two kids. I wonder if I am setting an example of audacious, expectant, faith that believes in God's power to do even the impossible in my life. Or worse, am I showing them a false faith that talks a good talk, but, when the chips are down, doesn't truly believe God can provide what I need?

For my own sake and my children's, it's time to look Jesus squarely in the face when He says, "Do you believe that I can do this?" and reply a strong and faithful, "YES, LORD!"

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Advent & Christmas Videos for the Whole Family

If you're sick of Christmas by December 25th,

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ADVENT CORRECTLY!

This is a great quote from one in a collection of videos currently on YouTube that can help family members of all ages understand . . .

• WHAT Advent is.
• WHY Advent is.
• WHEN Advent is. And most important . . . 
• HOW Advent can prepare us for the best Christmas we could possibly have. (HINT- It has nothing to do with gifts.) Most of these videos are no more than a few minutes long, but they each pack a punch. Enjoy.

For the Adults

Advent in 2 Minutes

Advent Conspiracy

For the Kids

Bethlehemian Rhapsody

Special thanks to my Twitter friend @nsenger who curated and posted these and more videos on Advent and Christmas at his Catholic School Chronicle website: http://www.nicksenger.com/csc/advent-and-christmas-videos-for-the-catholic-classroom-and-a-bonus-christmas-carol-puzzle.