Thanks, Mom . . .

"My son . . . Honor your mother, and do not abandon her as long as she lives. Do whatever pleases her, and do not grieve her spirit in any way. Remember, my son, that she went through many trials for your sake while you were in her womb." (Tob. 4:3)

Thanks, Mom . . .

• for those nine months carrying me-- I'm guessing it wasn't easy.
• for ensuring that I was baptized, made my first (and second, and third . . .) reconciliation, received my first Eucharist, and was confirmed.
• for being my biggest cheerleader and fan, even when I kicked the ball the wrong way down the field.
• for dressing me in that hideous white blazer and red turtleneck one Christmas. (I had to learn humility somehow.)
• for getting me to Mass 15 minutes early each week so that I could be an altar server.
• for sending me to Catholic school for 12 years.
• for telling me that if I got in trouble at school, I was in worse trouble when I got home.
• for following through on that threat once. (Once was enough.)
• for not being afraid to use a ruler, wooden spoon, ping pong paddle, belt (or just about anything else handy) when I started getting out of line.
• for teaching me how to pray.
• for showing me how to begin and end my day with prayer.
• for praying for me constantly-- not just before bed or each morning.
• for sewing patches into the knees of my corduroy uniform pants.
• for making me learn to cook, iron, clean, change diapers, babysit, and braid hair.
• for making me write, "I will not lie to my parents" 5,000 times. (My hand still cramps when I hold a pencil.)
• for being a museum curator who could find a spot on the fridge for every drawing, no matter how bad.
• for teaching me to respect women by demanding respect for yourself and my sisters.
• for being a mediator/referee/judge-- whichever my brothers and sisters and I happened to need at the moment.
• for doing laundry-- LOTS of laundry.
• for being an excellent cook. (Except for that one casserole . . . you know which one I mean.)
• for leaving notes on my pillow each night to check in with me, especially when I didn't feel like talking.
• for always having a couple extra dollars in your purse each day.
• for never getting upset when you noticed those couple extra dollars were missing.
• for teaching me to put the toilet seat down when finished.
• for telling me that you'd be happy with whatever career I chose, even a garbage man, as long as I was the best garbage man I could be.
• for demanding that, no matter how late I was out Saturday night, I was at Mass Sunday morning.
• for loving my dad in a soul-encompassing, once-in-a-lifetime way-- I hope to love my spouse the same way.
• for loving my children even more than you love me. (C'mon, it's obvious . . . you let them get away with stuff I could never get away with.)
• for showing me, in your own way, the love my heavenly mother has for me.
• for doing it all without ever receiving a paycheck, an award, or even the occasional "Thank You" from your kids.

. . . for loving me.

Friends, I look forward to hearing the many things about your mothers for which you're thankful.  Please feel free to add them in the comments. Happy Mother’s Day!

You Are the Branches

Photo credit: marfis75 via photo pin cc

Today's gospel (Jn. 15:1-8) is pretty clear-- stay connected to Christ.

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. (Jn. 15:5) 

Simple, right?

Simple, until we humans get involved. We have a way of confusing the meaning of Jesus' words. Call it whatever you'd like: adjusting, tweaking, mitigating, simplifying... whatever your word for it, our goal seems always to be the same. We try to make the requirements just a little bit easier to meet.

We do this for so many reasons: 

• Jesus' commands are difficult to follow; 
• We don't want to feel bad about not being able to meet them; 
• We're too tired to make the effort; 
• We're too busy with other things to be able to put in the time necessary;
• We're unwilling to make the sacrifice it will take to follow Jesus. 

So we water down the requirements. That way, we can say we are good Catholics, friends of Jesus, and connected to "the vine," and we haven't had to do much (if any) of the uncomfortable, unpleasant stuff necessary to be a true follower of Jesus.

Sometimes we're not even aware that we've watered down Jesus' words. Verse 5 of today's gospel is the perfect example. We hear this gospel every year, and we think: "Hey, I'm doing good . . . I go to Mass once in a while.  I try to be a good person. I don't steal or kill." But is that all that Jesus means when He says "remain in me"?

Looking at a different translation of the bible helps us get an even clearer glimpse of what Jesus means: He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is who bears much fruit.(Jn. 15:5, Revised Standard Version- RSV). The dictionary definition of "abides" is "to have one's abode; dwell; reside" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/abides?s=t).

Can we honestly say we are "dwelling" or "living" in Christ when we aren't following one of His most basic commands, such as the Third Commandment: "Remember to keep holy the sabbath day." (Ex. 20:8), which is understood to mean that we offer Christ our public worship at least once a week, on Sunday?

Can we honestly say Christ dwells within us if the last time we confessed our sins in the Sacrament of Reconciliation was six months ago? A year ago? Ten years ago?

Can we honestly say we live in Christ if the television or Internet gets more of our time than our bible?

Friends-- I believe we can do better for Him who gave all for us! If we truly began "abiding" in Christ without watering down what that means, imagine the powerful example we'd be setting for our children! Start small and build. 

• Increase daily prayer time by a few minutes this month. 
• Pull out the bible each night for five minutes to read the New Testament or Psalms. (Access it online HERE, download it for your Kindle HERE, or get the Catholic Bible app for iPad HERE) 
• Make a commitment not to miss Saturday evening or Sunday Mass with the kids for the rest of this month.

If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk any less?

Life Interrupted

As I thought about today's Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, it hit me that both discerning and being open to God's will for our lives can be a serious challenge.

As human beings, we are used to the idea that we get to decide our future: our occupation, our home, our spouse.  We typically get to decide what we want, when we want it, and exactly how. Fortunately for us, that's usually when the ruler of the universe steps in to make things interesting.

Any feast of St. Joseph (there are several!) is the perfect day to contemplate God's amazing and sometimes unpredictable way of working in our lives, for St. Joseph is just one saintly example among many of a life "interrupted" by God.

Think about it from St. Joseph's point-of-view for just a moment:

You're young. You're engaged to a beautiful young girl. You've got your own business, your own house-- heck, you've even got a donkey! Life is looking good. And then, God steps in. He takes all of your plans about wedding, marriage, family, work, home, and He replaces that with one of the greatest challenges He could ask of anyone: foster-fathering His own Son, the savior of the world.

Talk about a change of plans! And yet, Joseph accepts God's work in his life without complaint. Through prayer, he discerns God's will, and he remains open to the messages that God sends in dreams. Ultimately, God's plans for Joseph's life work out far better than Joseph's own plans ever could have. 

St. Joseph's life and example are reminders to us of the virtues of faith and trust in God, with whom "all things work for good." (Rom. 8:28) Let's make sure our kids know St. Joseph's story, and that they know about the blessings that flow from trusting in God!

For more on St. Joseph . . .

Watch Fr. James Martin talk about "The Hidden Life of St. Joseph:"

And for a little humor, Mark Hart (The Bible Geek), describes what it must 

have been like to be St. Joseph:

Second Graders Receive Jesus for First Time

     On Saturday, April 28, 2012, the St. Pius V Catholic School second graders (and several students from other grades) received Jesus for the first time, surrounded by their families and friends. Special congratulations to all who received, and to their families!

      Watching the students approach the altar to receive Jesus, their parents' hands on their shoulders guiding and supporting them, I was filled with a great sense of joy. As an adult, the Eucharist strengthens and sustains me, and so I'm very happy to see these students take another step towards this kind of relationship with Jesus.

     I ask you to join me, this week, in praying for the second graders (and those few others) who made their First Communion on Saturday. Even more, though, I ask you to join me in setting a good example for them. Let's all show them how to be faithful adults by attending Mass at least weekly on Saturday evening or Sunday and receiving Jesus worthily.  Let's show them how to be human and humble by making peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Let's set the tone in our households by praying with our kids, and by providing them with the type of experiences that are the "fertile soil" in which their young faith can grow. 

     May God continue to bless us all!

Image Credit: http://www.cruzblanca.org/hermanoleon/byn/rc/eu19.gif

Struggling to Believe

"The Church truly knows that only God, Whom she serves, meets the deepest longings of the human heart, which is never fully satisfied by what this world has to offer." (Gaudium et Spes, #41)

     Let this quote from Pope Paul VI's Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et Spes ("Joy and Hope"), sink in, and ask yourself the same question with which I struggle-- do I believe this deep in my heart?

The human heart . . . is never fully satisfied by what this world has to offer.

Only God . . . meets the deepest longings of the human heart.

     As faithful as I try to be, I expend a lot of energy chasing things this world has to offer in order to try to satisfy the longing in my heart. As much as I tell God that all I want is Him, the reality of my life doesn't always live up to these words. Anybody out there in the same boat?

     So, if we struggle to believe this or to live it, imagine the confusion and struggle in store for our children (and students), whose eyes are trained on us, absorbing our beliefs, being formed by our guidance, and being shaped by the reflection of our own relationship with the Heavenly Father. Perhaps it's time we throw ourselves completely into our Father's arms, asking Him to take the place of all the things we seek out as we try to meet the longing of our hearts?

     If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk doing any less?

Photo credit: Christopher JL via photo pin cc

Who Taught You How to Love?

http://www.cruzblanca.org/hermanoleon/
byn/rc/ev3pa17d.gif

Who taught you how to love? 

Not the feeling of affection.  That's a natural emotion. No one had to teach you that, and it's not love-- agape love. I mean, who taught you how to give selflessly to another person, not counting the cost, day in and day out, without complaint? Loving selflessly does not come naturally to us-- been around a three year old lately?  So, who taught you?

Your mother?  Father?  A grandparent? Your spouse? A close friend?  

In the Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes, the Church teaches that "Parents . . . are, so to speak, the interpreters of . . . [God's] love." When I stop and think about this, I can't help but get a little bit nervous.  After all, "selfless" isn't always the best word to describe me, and yet there it is in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2214: "The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood."  One way to translate this is that I am to reflect God for my children (and my students). I am to "interpret" God's Son-sacrificing, pain-enduring, grave-shattering, unending love in a way that they can come to know God more closely, and (as if that weren't hard enough) desire to love in that same way someday themselves. Thankfully I (and you, too) am not on my own in this. Supporting me in this endeavor are my Savior, my Heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit, the entire communion of saints, and a worldwide (and local) Church. (I'm going to need all the help I can get.)

Like I said, I'm not the poster child for selflessness.  Are you?  Sure, we all have our moments, right? But, a good examination of conscience for both parents and teachers might be to look at our own actions through the eyes of our children/students: Do I work without complaint? Do I set aside my own wants in the service of others? Do I show my children/students "a still more excellent way" (1 Cor. 12:31)-- the way of love?

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2214)

Parents . . . should realize that they are thereby cooperators with the love of God the Creator, and are, so to speak, the interpreters of that love.  (Gaudium et Spes #50)

Heaven First, Harvard Second

Last week I had the pleasure of visiting a Catholic school in San Diego, California for an accreditation visit as part of a team of educators. ("Accreditation" is education jargon for the process a school undergoes in order to evaluate its programs, plan for future improvement, and then have their work reviewed by an outside committee of educators.) During this process, I was able to meet with members of the school community-- clergy, administrators, teachers, students, parents, alumni-- everyone with whom I spoke enjoyed sharing their experiences with the school.


During one meeting, however, a school parent said something that really impacted me, and I offer it to you for your consideration: "I send my child to this school because it's heaven first, and Harvard second."


Needless to say, I was floored by the simplicity and beauty of this parent's statement. I found this thought to be both an inspiration and a challenge. As both a parent of a Catholic school student and as a Catholic school administrator, these five words-- heaven first, and Harvard second--  will, I hope, keep my priorities straight as I guide my child and my school.  


Yes, the parent in me wants my child to excel academically, and the administrator in me wants to provide the strongest, most challenging academic program we can for our students.


But, eternity edges out academics for me-- both personally and professionally. The faith development of my student/our students has to be number one, with academics being the second highest priority. When we put God first, the rest falls into place:


But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. (Mt. 6:33)


Have a blessed Holy Week and Easter.

photo credit: Daniel Pascoal via photopin cc

12 Years of St. Joe

My "well-used" copy of the Novena to St. Joseph.

In 2000, I had the great fortune to be able to participate in a pilgrimage of sorts to the East Coast and Canada.  Among our several stops was St. Joseph's Oratory of Mount Royal in Montreal, Quebec.  (Visit their website.) Aside from being stunningly beautiful, the Oratory is an incredibly spiritual and moving place, a tribute to my patron saint.  During my visit, I stopped in the Oratory bookstore and spent 50 cents on a small Novena to St. Joseph.(left) This little 23-page booklet is a powerful example of the old adage "Don't judge a book by its cover" (or cover price!).

I couldn't say how many times I've been through this novena since I found it twelve years ago-- too many to count.  (Someday I hope to ask St. Joseph, since I'm sure he's been keeping track.)  What I like best about the novena is the way it focuses on a different quality or role of St. Joseph each day, explaining in plain language how St. Joseph's life is an example for ours.  

This week we celebrate the Feast of St. Joseph (March 19).  I'd like to share with you a small portion of the Novena to St. Joseph, Fourth Day: "St. Joseph, The Father of Jesus,"

Saint Joseph, teach us to love our own children as you loved Jesus.  From the example of our love may they learn to appreciate faith, purity, devotion, and respect for all that is beautiful.  May their vision of life always be Christ-centered.  Amen.

In these few short words, two big ideas are related.  

First, our children learn from our example of love.  As parents and teachers, let's never forget this.  We don't have to be perfect, but we can be great examples of imperfection as we seek to love by living out faith, purity, devotion, and respect.  

Second, our "vision of life" should be Christ-centered.  That means Christ first, before all other considerations.  Christ in all things, all times, all situations, all difficulties, all joys, all triumphs, all trials.

Please join with me on the Feast of St. Joseph this week to pray for all parents, particularly the fathers, of our school community, our parish, and our world. 

Do you have a favorite novena?  What's your favorite quality of your patron saint?  Share these in the comments below, and particularly with your children/students!

Explaining "Honor" to Kids

Photo by BenedictFrancis

Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience.  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2216)

Back when I was an eighth grade teacher, I tried very hard to make sure my eighth graders understood what it meant to "honor" their father and mother.  Many of them had the mistaken impression that as long as they did what their parents told them, they were following God's commandment.  

After a little prodding I was usually able to get them to admit that even though they eventually ended up doing what mom and dad said, they weren't very respectful while doing it.  Typically during the interchange between them and their parents, the kids admitted to raising their voices, losing their tempers, rolling their eyes, and/or loudly sighing their utter disapproval, etc.  

Sound familiar?

That's when I hit them with the truth.  God's law isn't just about making sure the body or mind is on board-- that's only part of the story! As their creator, God has a right not only to their bodies or minds, but also to their HEARTS! The cold, hard truth was that my students were NOT living up to the Fourth Commandment when they were disrespectful, complaining, and sarcastic . . . EVEN if they ended up doing what mom and dad said!

So, the next time your child (or student) sighs and rolls his eyes while grumpily taking out the trash, pull out Matthew 15:8 on him: "Hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy about you when he said: 'This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.'" The look of shock on his face alone will be worth the few minutes it takes to memorize the verse!

Seriously though, obedience by itself is not enough to fulfill the Fourth Commandment. The hard-heartedness of anger and sarcasm shows a lack of "docility" or submissiveness that is part of true respect and honor for parents. 

When trying to help our children understand the depth of the command to "Honor your father and mother," it can help to explain to them this concrete difference: "doing what I say is obedience; doing what I say with a heart that bears no anger is HONOR."


P.S.  Teachers, grandparents, etc. . . . BONUS.  This one applies to you, too!  (CCC 2217 & 2220)

The Real Deal

Anyone who has read the various entries in this blog by now has discovered the real deal: Growing Faith-Filled KIDS isn't mainly about the kids. I acknowledge this seems counter-intuitive, but the truth is that growing faith filled kids is less about the kids, and more about us-- the parents and teachers, and our own faith lives. In some sense, the old adage, "you reap what you sow," is never more clear than in parenting and teaching since children are the ultimate mirror.  Parker Palmer, an author and educator said it best:

"As I teach, I project the condition of my soul onto my students . . . and our way of being together. The entanglements I experience in the classroom are often no more or less than the convolutions of my inner life." (Palmer, Parker; The Courage to Teach, p. 2).

The implications for teachers is clear, but for parents a rewording helps make it clear: "As I parent, I project the condition of my soul onto my children . . . and our family life. The entanglements I experience in our home are often no more or less than the convolutions of my inner(spiritual) life."

As I write this I am fully aware that I risk both offending people and losing readers. Today's world seems to prize the ability to lay blame elsewhere.  I myself dislike being reminded that the problems and difficulties I experience in my life are often the result of my own doing, but ultimately I end up thanking God for the wake-up call that allows me to see reality clearly.

So if you're determined to stick with me now, I ask: what's the condition of your soul? If it's anything like mine, it needs some work. The only thing I can be one hundred percent sure of is that no human being who reads (or writes!) this blog is perfect. We all need a spiritual wake-up call. Following Palmer's lead, perhaps we can determine areas that need our attention by taking some time today to get in touch with the "condition of [our] soul." 

We can ask God for the strength and courage to look inward instead of trying to find outward sources of blame. We all know those areas that seem to be a consistent problem in our family/classroom life. We can resolve to be aware of them and to work on them for the sake of our kids.

If we are to grow faith-filled kids, can we risk doing any less?

For any fathers reading this who'd like an even greater challenge, Catholic writer Matthew Warner has written a great post at his blog Fallible Blogma, called "It's My Fault." If you're anything like me, you will be humbled by it, challenged by it, and ultimately blessed by it. Click here to give it a read!