Honor Your Father and Mother

The Ten Commandments was always one of my favorite 8th grade morality topics in religion class.  As a teacher, I relished the opportunity to open up God's laws in a real-world, everyday-life way.  So many adults look at the Ten Commandments negatively, as if God were the cosmic enemy of fun listing the rules we dare not break. Teaching the Ten Commandments to 8th graders was an opportunity to catch them on the cusp of adulthood and do my best to help them form a healthy, positive outlook on living a moral life.  My goal was to show them that:

1. Our Catholic Christian faith is real.  It is lived.  It is something that applies to each and every day of our lives.
2. The Ten Commandments are logical, beautiful, wonderful guidelines from a loving God who wants His children to live a life freed from the bondage of sin.

Clip Art by Hermano Leon

In particular, the Fourth Commandment: "Honor your father and mother," has always been a source of the most animated classroom conversations of the entire year.  When I told them we'd be talking about parents, you can imagine that my students thought this was their opportunity to tell me how horribly mean and terrible their parents were. How surprised they were to discover that God (and their teacher) pretty much took their parents' side every time!

One of my favorite bible passages relating to parents and children is found in Sirach 3: 

For the Lord sets a father in honor over his children and confirms a mother's authority over her sons. Those who honor their father atone for sins; they store up riches who respect their mother. Those who honor their father will have joy in their own children, and when they pray they are heard. (Sirach 3:2-5) 

At length we discussed what it means to "honor" your parents.  We talked about "respectful obedience" to the requests of mom and dad.  We even distinguished between "obedience" (doing what one is asked), and "respectful obedience" (doing what one is asked with a heart of love and gratitude).  I explained that their hearts and bodies had to be in sync.  In other words, finally giving in to mom and dad after an argument, and then complaining angrily while doing what they ask-- there's nothing respectful about that.

Surprisingly, I didn't lose my classroom full of 14-going-on-21 year olds at that point. After all, here I was telling them the exact opposite of what they wanted to hear. In fact, this was about the time when they really started to tune in to the depth of God's whole plan in this commandment. You see, deep in the heart of even my most stubborn 8th grader was the knowledge of God's law and an overwhelming desire to have a good relationship with mom and dad. I found the kids hungry for anything that would help them get along better with their parents, even if it meant that they had to bite their lip when feeling the urge to talk back.

Parents (and teachers), the bottom line is this: no matter how maturely they may sometimes act, children are children, and they are called on by God to honor (respectfully obey) you! As bad as things can sometimes get, particularly with teenagers, and despite what they say in front of their peers, I haven't met one yet who wouldn't give an arm and a leg to have a stable, tension-free, loving relationship with you. This is what God designed when he gave us the commandment: honor your father and mother. To grow faith-filled kids, we need to lovingly, firmly, and consistently remind them of this truth. 

Helping Your Child Find Happiness in Life

Jesus Calls Andrew & John
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The Search for Happiness

Judging by the number of articles in popular magazines and talk show experts discussing it on television, finding happiness would seem to be no simple matter.  To the world, happiness appears to be an elusive mixture of so many things: financial success, personal fulfillment, career satisfaction, all tied together by a healthy dose of high self-esteem and more.  

Getting all of these pieces into place and doing so at the same time is practically impossible.  It's no wonder so many people are unhappy!  And, since finding happiness for yourself seems so difficult, helping someone else to find it would seem to be impossible.  

And yet, every parent wants his or her child to have a happy life. With the world being such a crazy, mixed-up place, it couldn't possibly be a simple matter to set your child on a path to finding happiness in life, could it?

I believe it can be.  

However, you first have to strip away the confusion caused by the competing messages of the modern world.  Do that, and you begin to discover the path to finding true happiness-- a path that can then be made visible to children.  

Don't get me wrong-- financial success, personal fulfillment, career satisfaction-- these are blessings from God, but they were never meant to be replacements for the true source of our happiness: God Himself.  We do our children a disservice if we lead them to believe that they'll find true and lasting happiness in the things of this earth.

Guiding Your Child

Two references from the Catechism of the Catholic Church combine to form a powerful message:

27 The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for.

2223 Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. . . Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones."

Since they have been created by God, for God, our children will only find true happiness in Him.  Good Father that He is, God has a plan for each of them, something the church refers to as their vocation.  

Therefore, the way to help your child find happiness in life is to teach him or her that material and personal circumstances are not the source of our true joy.  God is.  By seeking and doing His will (their vocation in life), they'll discover a deeper joy-- one that transcends temporary circumstances, life's ups and downs, and forces beyond their control.  

In an address at the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI spoke of the importance of parents in helping children discern their vocation: "by their genuine faith and joyful married love, [parents] show children that it is beautiful and possible to build all your life on the love of God.” (http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/the-pope-encourages-young-people-to-follow-gods-call#ixzz1jawMfVEa)

Heavenly Father, help us to teach our children to discern Your will for them.  In doing so, we will have set them on the path to true happiness in their lives!

As always, I welcome your comments, thoughts, and feedback below.

Further Reading

• Matthew Warner has written a straightforward and challenging post on the topic of children and vocations.  You may find it here: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/teach-your-kids-this-and-help-save-the-world/
• As always, look to the Catechism of the Catholic Church for more information, especially: 1656, 2226, 2232.

Special Thanks

To my wife-- for her help in working out the details of this post!

Behold!

John was standing with two of his disciples,

and as he watched Jesus walk by, he said,

"Behold, the Lamb of God."

The two disciples heard what he said and followed Jesus. (Jn. 1:35-42)

Reading today's Gospel makes me wonder: 

• If John the Baptist had not pointed Jesus out, would Andrew (one of the "two disciples") have completely missed an encounter with the Son of God? 

Most likely!  For Andrew, it took someone to "point out" God because Andrew wasn't yet able to recognize God on his own. And, thanks to John the Baptist's nudge, Andrew not only discovered God's Son, but he also started on the road to becoming a disciple of Jesus.

Like Andrew, our children often need someone to "point out" God to them. Thankfully, each day is filled with moments of beauty, love, happiness, and even sadness-- moments that reveal God in all of His glory-- but that require a nudge for our children to recognize. Since we want to start our children on the road to becoming lifelong disciples of Jesus, it's important that we begin to "nudge" them toward acknowledging God's presence. This kind of loving and tender attention is necessary to grow faith-filled children.  As Blessed John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio, part of the role of parents is "to illuminate and organize temporal realities according to the plan of God, Creator and Redeemer." (#5)

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Here are some everyday events in which we might consider saying "Behold, the Lamb of God!" to our children:

• The beauty of nature-- An amazing sunrise or sunset, a rainstorm, an amazing view.
• Family gatherings-- birthdays, anniversaries, sacraments, a nice dinner out together, a vacation or holiday.
• Friends-- The help of a true friend, a playful afternoon, a difficult conversation that leads to reconciliation.

How often do we "point out" Jesus to our children and students? What are some ways you do this for your children?  I look forward to reading your comments sharing the ways you say "Behold, the Lamb of God!" to your children and/or students.

Leave Room for God's Resolutions

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. (Jer. 29:11)


How do you feel when you read these words? Take a moment to read them again, and imagine your Heavenly Father is speaking directly to you.


Did you hear it? He has a plan for you in this new year. Of course, God knows that this is the time of year when we all make plans for ourselves-- we resolve to be better husbands, better wives, better parents, better Catholics/Christians, healthier people, and so on.


What about leaving room for God's "resolutions" (plans) for you in 2012? Though none of us can know exactly what those resolutions are as we stand here on the first day of the new calendar year, one thing is overwhelmingly certain: we will not discover God's plans for us and for our families unless we leave room for Him to work.


So as you're writing out your list of resolutions for 2012, consider leaving #1 blank.  Let that empty space remind you of how you're leaving room for God's plans for you and your family to unfold during 2012. Let that empty space remind you to pray for God's resolutions to become clear to you, and to pray for His grace to embrace them in your life. Encourage your children to do the same.


Need some motivation to get started?  The quote from Jeremiah continues: When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me. (29: 12-14)


I ask that you pray for me and everyone who reads this-- for the strength to leave room for God's resolutions this year. Be assured of my prayers for you!


As always, I welcome your comments, thoughts, and reflections.

"After-Christmas Sale"? Christmas Has Just Begun!

In my personal email on the morning of the 26th were no less than 10 messages for "After Christmas Sales." After Christmas? The true season of Christmas began on December 25th. It didn't end on that day. Unfortunately, merchants, retailers, and society in general have pushed the "holiday season" up so much that what is really Advent, the period of preparation before Christmas, has been transformed into a Christmas season of shopping, holiday parties, and gift-giving, that seems to begin earlier every year. 

What if those of us trying to grow faith-filled kids set things right within our own homes by separating from the herd, making the month before Christmas a time of preparing our hearts and minds, and then actually making Christmas celebrations start on.  . . well, Christmas?

The true gift of Christmas is Christ our Savior. As we work together to grow faith-filled kids, we can't forget to make this fact the most important, most prevalent thought in the minds of our children. Let's make an effort to make the "Christmas Season" continue from Christmas Mass up to the Feast of the Epiphany on January 6th. Here are some resources to help:

• American Catholic.org: How to Celebrate Christmas
• EWTN: From Advent to Epiphany
• Pope Benedict XVI's Christmas 2011 Message to Catholics
• Catholic.org: Christmas

And so . . . Merry Christmas! The season has just begun! May God bless you and your children as you seek The face of the Christ child during this season of His birth!

As always, I welcome your comments, particularly the ways you and your family celebrate the Church's season of Christmas.

A Confession

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Please bear with me... This will seem like a complaint at first.  I promise it is not!

I have a confession to make.  Not the kind where I need to go to the priest, although during Advent it is definitely a good time for that. This is a confession for you, the parents of my school.

I took over the morning traffic duty a year and a half ago, and I have to admit to you that it wouldn't have been my first choice of supervision duties. (If you walked by last Monday when it was pouring down rain, you could probably read the look on my face that said I was miserable.)  I don't know what I expected back before I started morning traffic last year, but I do know that I wasn't expecting it to be fun. 

And that's the point of today's message: my expectations have totally been turned upside down. Morning traffic is one of the most enjoyable times of my whole day! The main reason? You.

You, the parents-- and by extension the grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and students-- all of you who walk or drive through that line each morning have made it a great and welcome start to each day. In the beginning, my "Good Mornings!" sometimes fell flat, with no response. People driving by in their cars didn't notice my wave hello. I would sometimes get confused looks from folks who were obviously used to feeling invisible as they walked or drove through the line. 

Things have definitely changed, however. Sometimes, I can't even turn around before I hear someone calling out a "Good Morning!" from afar. Drivers are waving before I can even tell who it is through the glare of the sun! From the walkers who wait for the cars to go by, I enjoy hearing how things are going, what your family will be up to that evening, or how last night's softball game went. On those rare occasions, I even feel blessed to be present for you to share some heartache and offer my assurance of prayers.

I have to send a special thanks out to a couple of the grandpas who walk their grandchildren through the line each morning, too. I've gotten some great laughs from them over the last year and a half. (One suggested that Miss Chacon and I sing a duet at the Christmas Program next year. Sorry, it'll never happen . . . You don't want to hear me sing! Another thought wrist weights would be great while I hold up the stop sign and wave cars through because I'd build muscle by the end of the school year . . . Okay, I'm actually considering that one!) Each morning brings something different, and some kind of joy or laughter.

So in all truth, my expectations have truly been flipped upside down. God took something that I, in my human limitedness, thought was going to be difficult, and He turned it into something wonderful and life-giving. I have been truly blessed by all of you.

I have one small reflection on this for you-- consider it an early Christmas gift. As we approach Christmas Day and hear the Nativity story, consider that God turned Mary and Joseph's expectations upside down, too! Out of the blue one day, God stepped into their lives and asked something of them which they did not expect (and much more challenging than morning traffic duty, for sure). Being open to it, though, they followed, and out of their "yes" came the salvation that is possible for each one of us.

I know that many are facing difficult challenges. I know that sometimes the road ahead does not look promising, and that life doesn't always work out the way we expect. I pray that God's grace will be in the hearts of those that need it, so that they may continue to follow Him, and to give Him a chance to show how He can turn expectations upside down. 

If things are going well for you and yours right now, pray for those in our community who desperately need your support. God is always finding ways to break through to us (even in silly little ways, like through morning traffic duty). Let's all pray for the openness to let Him in!  As we do this ourselves, we’ll be setting the best example possible for the little pairs of eyes in our homes that watch and learn from us.

Merry Christmas! See you tomorrow morning!

"And the Good Lord Helped Me"

On Veteran's Day, Mr. Edward Olivares-- a veteran of World War II-- spoke at the morning assembly at my school.  He talked to the students about being a radio operator during the fighting in France.  His incredibly dangerous job was to climb to the highest building in the city, watch enemy troop movements, and then direct the army's air strikes to their targets via his radio. 


Mr. Olivares acknowledged that many of his friends in the U.S. Army never made it back home from the war. He told the students and parents assembled, "So I tried my best . . . the good Lord helped me, and here I am today." After his talk, Mr. Olivares told me that he didn't know why God cared so much for him, but that it was "overwhelming" to think of, and he remains grateful to this day. He wasn't thankful to some far-away God who sat on a throne in the clouds.  Mr. Olivares was thankful to a close friend whose love for him was beyond his own understanding. I couldn't help but be deeply moved by the simple and powerful reality of this man's gratitude to God.  


During the holidays, it's common to recall the blessings for which we are thankful.  This year, however, perhaps we could consider a shift in the common "I'm thankful for" script? Instead of running off a list of things that has become rote, let's all take the chance to move to a deeper level with God.  First, think about Mr. Olivares's deeply personal gratitude to God-- a God he believes has been intimately close to him, particularly during the most difficult time of his life as a soldier in World War II.


Then, maybe recall the ways God has been intimately close to you during the trials of your life.  Offer thanks to Him-- not by listing material items, but by talking to Him personally, as if He were seated next to you.  If you feel distant from God, invite Him into your heart and mind. Make plans to draw close to Him during the seasons of Advent and Christmas through daily conversation with Him.  Finally, share your reasons for being thankful with your children.  Remind them of the true source of those blessings.  Your example will move your children to a deeper level of trust and faith.


For if man exists it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence. He cannot live fully according to truth unless he freely acknowledges that love and entrusts himself to his creator. (Catechism of the Catholic Church,#27) 


Feel free to share those things for which you are thankful by leaving a comment below. Have a blessed and peaceful Advent! 

Preparing Our Families During Advent

"The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation."(Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2221)


During Advent we hear much about "preparation." Advent is a time to prepare our hearts for the coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  With the busy-ness of life, this can be difficult to accomplish.  However, the Catechism, points to a responsibility for the preparation and formation of our children, too, and not just ourselves. According to the Church, no one can replace parents in this responsibility of forming the minds and hearts of their children. 


This Advent, consider the time and energy put into holiday preparations like shopping, gift-giving, parties, and more.  Are these activities balanced out and put into perspective by activities centering on the true meaning of Christmas?  For instance, consider gathering the family to read the infancy narrative in Luke 2. Make a family Advent wreath and light the appropriate candles with each new week. Research and create a Jesse Tree. Most importantly, make time for weekend Mass and the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Small things like this can make Advent spiritually enriching for both parents and children.


Heavenly Father, wipe away all distractions in our lives.  Help us to put you first in all things!

Why Use the Term "Growing"? Isn't Faith a "Gift"?

The title of this blog, "Growing Faith-Filled Kids," very directly points to the active nature of a parent's or teacher's vocation-- to "grow" faith-filled kids. However, I have heard well-meaning people say things like, "But faith is a gift from God...," or "All we can do is plant the seed..."

Though both of these statements carry some truth, there is a danger if we stop there. Growing a garden of beautiful flowers or a crop of vegetables takes much more attention than planting the seeds and waiting to see what happens. Likewise, growing faith-filled kids is more focused and long-term than simply scattering "seeds." Growing faith-filled kids is about how we till the soil of our children's minds and hearts so that they will be receptive to the grace of God's gift of faith, and how we give opportunities for that gift of faith to take root and grow in our children. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, "The invisible God, from the fullness of his love, addresses men as his friends, and moves among them, in order to invite and receive them into his own company."(142) Those well-meaning people mentioned earlier are correct in one way. God first moves in our lives, whether through a person or an experience, He invites us into a relationship with Him. What a gift! What an incredible seed! The Creator of the universe takes such a personal interest in each of us-- in our precious children, especially-- that He "moves among" us, inviting us into a relationship with Him.

The Catechism goes on:  "The adequate response to this invitation is faith . . . By faith, man completely submits his intellect and his will to God. With his whole being man gives his assent to God the revealer."(142-3) "Faith-filled kids," (or adults, for that matter) are those who have learned to respond to God's invitation by submitting mind and heart to God. This is where we come in.

Since our natural tendency as human beings is to turn mind and heart away from our Creator (see Gen. 3 . . . or most of the Old Testament . . . and human history for that matter!) our children need to be taught and trained to respond to God's invitation with a willing mind and a loving heart. As any parent or teacher knows, children need much help growing in these qualities!

And so, "Growing Faith-Filled Kids"!

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the invitation to believe in you, to love you, and to remain forever in your company. Grant us the wisdom and courage we need to till the garden of our children's minds and hearts so that they will respond to your invitation with faith. Help us not to neglect the ways our participation as parents and teachers is necessary to our children's growth in faith.

Storms Come...Build Solidly!

On a day when our Gospel is from Mt. 7-- how "the winds blew and buffeted the house"-- Southern California faces high wind warnings, downed power lines, and fallen trees. The daily readings and the realities of life are no coincidence! 

It got me thinking about the two scenarios presented in the Gospel: a person who built his house on the solid foundation of Christ, and one who built on the shifting sands of the world. In both cases, the winds and storms came. The person who built upon Christ had no special guarantee or freedom from the storm. 


In fact, Christ guarantees us that trials will come, not only on this occasion, but also on many others. We have to ask ourselves what kind of foundation we'd like in place while we weather those storms: one that shifts and is blown from underneath us, or one that is firm and everlasting? 


A strong foundation isn't built by chance. If we choose Christ, we should not waste any time working on that foundation, building it up through prayer, strengthening it through the frequent reception of the Sacraments, and reinforcing it with the wisdom of Scripture. 


As parents and teachers, we know that the trials or "storms" of life affect our children intensely. Preparing a solid foundation not only aids us in dealing with life's difficulties, but it helps us buffer our children, who depend so greatly on us to make sense of life's hardships. 


Lord, help us to build our house upon You! May we turn to you always, not just during the "storms" of life!  And while we're at it, Lord, we pray that aid and comfort come to those affected by today's weather.  Help us respond to calls for assistance.