Why, God?

As I stood outside the gate at dismissal on Friday, many of you asked me one simple question: "Why?"

Events like last Friday's in Newtown, Connecticut break into our daily routines, leaving us in shock. I found out while I was actually on the phone with an I.T. guy, talking about fixing one of our school's computers. He and I both took a moment just to absorb it. Since that time, my prayer intentions have included all of those affected, but especially the parents. As a parent of two young ones, the images of their grief tug so strongly at my heart that I can barely contain the tears.

Here is an excerpt of what we wrote to our school families today: 

. . . When evil so violently and shockingly interrupts our everyday lives, we are reminded that life is fragile, our lives are temporary, and this earth is not our eternal home.  

     When the result of our first parents' sin is an incomprehensible act of evil and the loss of precious innocent life, we are shaken to the depths of our soul. For a time, we see our lives, our families-- indeed, all of the blessings that God has given us-- in a different light. It's almost as if our vision has been refocused, and so much of what seemed important melts away. We find ourselves focusing only on what is enduring: our families, our children, and most importantly, the love of a God who knows the sorrow of seeing His precious child die.

Today, I have a simple prayer, aside from those that will continue for the victims and their families. Today, I ask God to help me keep my vision focused on those things that are truly important: His love, my wife, my children, my family and friends, and each and every one of you who comes in and out of our school each day, seeking the same focus. 

We're all traveling the same road to Heaven together. May God always bless us with His loving care.

Note: If you're struggling with the difficulties of talking with your children about violence and its effects, or if you need spiritual support, you may find these links helpful.

Talking to Children about Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers, National Association of School Psychologists
Talking to Kids about Traumatic Events, Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development
The Mystery of Pain, The Solace of Faith, An opinion piece by Fr. James Martin, S.J.
Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraphs 413-421, Read the Catechism in a Year, Day 62 @ flocknote.com

Thank You, Pius Parents

Dear Pius Parents:

This week's Christmas Program was truly an amazing event for all of us. The kids sang beautifully, and they had an amazing mix of reverence and joy that was infectious! We received so many compliments from you all. Some people even stopped in the traffic line the next morning to tell me how much they enjoyed it!

I especially want to thank you for the way you received the program in the true spirit it was intended-- as a tribute to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and as praise to our God, who took on human form in order to save us.

The more we worked with your children on their performance throughout the last few weeks, the more I saw how your children are hungry for meaning that goes beyond just being in the spotlight, and beyond personal attention or praise. As much as they may seem like they want to be on "Glee," they really crave something deeper. Yes (believe it or not!), our school kids have the capacity to see beyond themselves, even though I'm sure it doesn't seem like that sometimes! (Hey, I have a 5-year-old, too!)

This is a great time of year to help them develop their sense of a deeper meaning to life, one that goes beyond the latest gadget, the most popular game, or what's happening with the hottest celebrities. During Advent (which is also the beginning of the church's "New Year"), we prepare our hearts to greet the Christ child by remembering all that He has done for us, by welcoming Him into each moment of our lives, and by resolving to follow Him in the future.

A small group of our students, parents, and alumni did this just this week by visiting the Buena Park Nursing Center and singing Christmas carols for the elderly in residence. (picture above) 

Your kids long for their lives to be meaningful, and the simple truth is that they won't find lasting meaning in "things." They were created to know, love, and serve God, and by learning to do so, they will become the happy, generous, fulfilled people . . . and faithful Catholics . . . We desire them to be. We promise to keep working on this with you as we move ahead, striving to "build God's kingdom" by putting Christ first!

Thanks Everyone. Have a Blessed Advent!

Mr. Ciccoianni

According to Your Faith

The Healing of Two Blind Men
And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed [him], crying out, “Son of David, have pity on us!” When he entered the house, the blind men approached him and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I can do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they said to him. Then he touched their eyes and said, “Let it be done for you according to your faith.” And their eyes were opened. Jesus warned them sternly, “See that no one knows about this.” But they went out and spread word of him through all that land. (Mt. 9:27-31)

This gospel passage from Friday, December 7th has been stuck in my mind since I read it. I keep going back to the words of Jesus: "Let it be done for you according to your faith." Don't get me wrong-- the healing was all Jesus, and I believe He has the power to do it. But, I can't help thinking that if the two blind men had replied, "Well, sure. I guess. Why not?", instead of a firm and confident "Yes, Lord!", that the story would have ended differently.

After all, the Gospels relate several times that Jesus isn't able to provide much needed healing for people, and it doesn't have anything to do with Jesus. It's the lack of faith of those in need that block the healing. (Mk. 6:5, for example)

With that in mind, I can't help but wonder:

• What healing am I missing out on, or what sin am I stuck under because I think God couldn't possibly provide what I need, helpless and hopeless as I am?
• What blessings am I missing out on because my all-too-important human mind thinks logically instead of "miraculously," and I'm unable to conceive of the amazing things God could do in my life?

It all boils down to this: How am I limiting God's action in my life through my own unbelief? My lack of confidence?

What Legacy Am I Leaving?
As usual, my thoughts naturally turn to my two kids. I wonder if I am setting an example of audacious, expectant, faith that believes in God's power to do even the impossible in my life. Or worse, am I showing them a false faith that talks a good talk, but, when the chips are down, doesn't truly believe God can provide what I need?

For my own sake and my children's, it's time to look Jesus squarely in the face when He says, "Do you believe that I can do this?" and reply a strong and faithful, "YES, LORD!"

Photo credit: Lawrence OP via photopin cc

Advent & Christmas Videos for the Whole Family

If you're sick of Christmas by December 25th,

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ADVENT CORRECTLY!

This is a great quote from one in a collection of videos currently on YouTube that can help family members of all ages understand . . .

• WHAT Advent is.
• WHY Advent is.
• WHEN Advent is. And most important . . . 
• HOW Advent can prepare us for the best Christmas we could possibly have. (HINT- It has nothing to do with gifts.) Most of these videos are no more than a few minutes long, but they each pack a punch. Enjoy.

For the Adults

Advent in 2 Minutes

Advent Conspiracy

For the Kids

Bethlehemian Rhapsody

Special thanks to my Twitter friend @nsenger who curated and posted these and more videos on Advent and Christmas at his Catholic School Chronicle website: http://www.nicksenger.com/csc/advent-and-christmas-videos-for-the-catholic-classroom-and-a-bonus-christmas-carol-puzzle.

A Daily Dose of Thanksgiving

I spent some time last week writing my thoughts on gratitude (Thanks Be to God). This week I came across an article by a psychology professor from Rutgers University who wrote about the positive impact gratitude can have on your health. Though not a faith-based article, the suggestions echoed some of the advice I gave to families in last week's post. The author, Maurice Elias, said,

Researchers . . . as well as studies . . . Have found that keeping a daily gratitude journal, showing appreciation when others give you even minor help, and delivering overdue gratitude to someone who helped you a long time ago all have beneficial effects; those expressions of gratitude that directly involve others often move them to be more appreciative of and helpful to the next people they may meet. (Elias, Maurice, Gratitude Builds Character and Health, http://www.edutopia.org/blog/gratitude-builds-health-character-maurice-elias)

No surprise here . . . gratitude is good for you! 

Giving Thanks in Prayer
Many of the biblical psalms are messages of thanksgiving, like Psalm 118 that praises God's goodness and kindness: "Give thanks to The Lord, for He is good, His mercy endures forever." (118:1) At St. Pius V Catholic School, we teach the students to offer thanks as part of their prayers-- not just petitions asking God for His intervention. Our goal is not just to develop "Healthy People" (one of our Schoolwide Learning Expectations) in body, but also in mind and soul. In my own home, our family prayer begins with "Thank you, Jesus" after which we recall even the littlest things with which God has blessed us-- a call from a friend, special time with a grandparent, or a great dinner. 

A daily dose of gratitude in our children's prayer time before bed or when waking up each morning can help them develop the attitude of gratitude necessary not just to by physically and emotionally healthy, but also spiritually healthy and focused on God's will for their lives. 

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Thanks Be to God

Examples of Thankfulness
Probably each of us knows someone who just oozes gratitude and thankfulness. I'm talking about that person in your life who never seems to focus on what he or she doesn't have, but is always grateful for the gifts and blessings of his or her life. Even in dark or difficult moments, this person has an attitude of gratitude that often surprises us and leaves us in awe. 

Although I've met many people like this in the last few years, one stands out. She came from what many people would consider humble beginnings, and she lived with energy and enthusiasm, loving life no matter what the circumstances. She'd often punctuate her sentences with a "Praise God" or "Thank you, Jesus." For her, each moment-- whether positive or negative-- was a gift from God, drawing us closer to Him. Even during a struggle with illness, she remained positive. Clearly, gratefulness was not something she put on occasionally like a jacket or hat, but it was part of the very fabric of her being.

Gratitude Genes
As I get older, I long for that same kind of gratitude to run deep into the core of my being, to be ingrained into my DNA so that I might be grateful without thinking about it. I'd love to be focused not on what is missing, what I don't have, what could be better, or what needs to change, but on the gifts God has given me, no matter how small.

I don't have all of the answers, but I think the key is what (or whom) you're looking at. As long as my eyes are focused on the gifts, it's easy to become negative and disheartened during those times when the gifts don't seem to be flowing my way. However, if my eyes are focused on the Giver of those gifts, and my heart is focused on the way He loves me, then everything becomes a gift, whether positive or negative on the surface.

Thankful Children
As for our kids, it becomes pretty obvious that giving them the "gratitude gene" isn't something that can happen during the last few days before Thanksgiving (although it's never too late to start!). Gratitude can become part of the family DNA over time through a daily focus on "thanks giving" that becomes part of the family history, and by keeping the family's focus on the "Giver" and not the "gifts."

• What are those big family milestones with which God has blessed us?
• In what ways has God brought healing to our family? Happiness? Sustenance? Joy?
• How was God present during our difficulties? Where was He in the midst of the storm?
• And most importantly, How has God promised to care for us and be faithful to His promises? How has He demonstrated His love for us?  

Bringing these reflections into family prayer time regularly just might help our children develop the gratitude gene.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and God Bless You.

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The Space Alien Sitting Next to Me

As I sit at my kitchen table composing this blog, something resembling a miniature human being (left) with a familiar face is sitting in a high chair next to me yelling, giggling, and gurgling "AhhhDadadadada!" 

Of course, the only logical explanation is that extra-terrestrials exist and they've invaded my home. 

Yes, I typed "logical." 

After all, she can't be my daughter (left). My daughter was just born in February. My beautiful baby girl was only a little longer than my forearm. I could carry her like a football! She could occasionally muster up a blood-curdling scream, but she spent most of her time sleeping, blinking, soiling diapers, and such.

At some point, this E.T. must have transported into the kids' bedroom in the middle of the night, replacing my little infant. (They took her brother years ago.) This creature that now lives in our home and masquerades as our daughter is over three times the weight and twice the length of my missing infant! It holds its own bottle, eats at the table with the rest of the family, pulls itself up on its knees to look over the side of its crib, and has two teeth jutting from its lower jaw.

It Happens So Fast
As a parent I don't have to tell you twice. Tempting as it is to go with the space alien/E.T. excuse (how else to justify their behavior sometimes?), they really do grow up that fast. 

So no matter how much we think about it, pray about, read blogs and books about it-- the fact that it happens so fast means that an essential ingredient in growing faith-filled kids is letting go and entrusting them to our Lord (who is beyond time . . . In other words, He can keep up with them).

Now go hug your space alien, tell 'em you love 'em, and while you're at it, tell them that God loves them, too.  

Have a great week. God Bless!

What My Garden Taught Me About Parenting

About six years ago, a certain type of weed began to crop up in my backyard. I didn't think too much about it at first. After all, there were only a few scattered throughout my lawn. At first I just mowed it with the rest of the grass and moved on to other weekend pursuits. I didn't want to take the extra time to do what was necessary to remove the weeds. As the season passed into summer, the weed seemed to disappear, and I believed the problem to be resolved.

The following year, that same weed came back . . . with a vengeance. Obviously, it hadn't gone away by itself but had actually been seeding and preparing to grow again when the weather turned warm and the soil moist. Ignoring it and just mowing over it like last year was not going to work. That approach had done nothing to rid my yard of the intruder. In fact, ignoring it like that had actually given the weed an opportunity to spread. 

My first attempt at removing it was unsuccessful-- I grabbed at the stem and pulled. Little did I realize that the base of the stems remained firmly implanted in my lawn, so within three days, the weeds had grown back. Apparently, I'd have to go after the roots. After digging down to the roots I discovered something amazing. This seemingly harmless weed had been able to infiltrate my entire lawn by shooting out stems (rhizomes, for you science-types . . . I did the research) sideways underground that then sprouted another weed a few inches away and created a subterranean network that required extensive work to remove. 

By now, you are probably questioning my gardening skills (as well you should). I'm no green thumb. I was never one for spending too much time in the yard, and I definitely learned a lesson the hard way about tending my garden. However, my gardening failure resulted in a spiritual insight: just as natural gardens require constant, regular attention to prevent them from becoming overrun by weeds, our "spiritual garden"-- our soul-- requires similar consistent, vigilant attention to keep them from being overrun by sin.

The Garden of Our Souls
Just like those few, untended weeds spread throughout my yard and almost ruined it, a single harsh thought not combated can grow and spread through our consciousness like a subterranean network of weeds. As the familiar saying, normally attributed to Charles Reade, goes:

"We sow a thought and reap an act;
We sow an act and reap a habit;
We sow a habit and reap a character;
We sow a character and reap a destiny."

That's why this warning is issued in the Book of Proverbs: "With all vigilance guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life."(4:23) Good advice for us as adults, but also a great guideline in growing faith-filled kids.

Tending Our Children's Souls
We parents and teachers can start by modeling this kind of behavior for our kids. Perhaps this means doing our best to control our temper, to refrain from saying angry words in front of our children/students, to forgive or ask forgiveness when necessary, or to be respectful toward authority.

We can then actively seek to develop vigilance within our children or students. Simply put, this means attempting to make them mindful of the spiritual implications of their daily actions. For instance, we can take the opportunity when a child has spoken out in anger to remind the child (if old enough) of a time when an angry word led to a fight with a friend or sibling. In nightly prayer (or at the end of each school day), we can guide the child in a simple examination of conscience: 

• What did I say or do today that hurt someone's feelings? 
• How did I not follow my parents' (or teachers') directions? 
• Did I have any angry thoughts about someone today? 
• How can I show that person my love/forgiveness?

Vigilance against spiritual "weeds" like anger, dishonesty, or hurtfulness is a necessary part of living a life of faithfulness to God.

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What's the Secret to Raising Faith-Filled Kids?

Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. -- James Baldwin

The Secret

In my experience, growing faith-filled kids starts with us. Being a faith-filled parent or teacher ourselves gives us a better chance at raising faith-filled kids. 

Think of it this way: I couldn't possibly teach someone to pilot an airplane. I'm not a pilot. I couldn't train someone as an opera singer. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't carry a tune with a bucket! Even if I could, it would take a lifetime of study to be able to teach someone else the art of opera.

Therefore, to grow faith-filled kids we need to be experienced and knowledgeable in the ways of our faith.

Now don't panic yet! There is good news in all of this!

The Good News

First, God does much of the work for us, through the gift of the Holy Spirit. If I had to train an opera singer, I'd be out of luck. The Holy Spirit is not going to gift me with knowledge of opera singing! On the other hand, the Holy Spirit has gifted us with faith, and the Spirit strengthens that faith when we pray.

Second, we're not just talking about head knowledge of faith, which can take time to learn. Our faith in Christ has an important, personal, heart component that each and every one of us is ready to share right now. Each of us knows how Christ has moved in our lives-- through a conversion of heart, through a special loved one's example of faith, through a difficult illness or loss, through blessings-- this personal experience of Christ's love is how God stepped into each of our lives. No one knows the story better, and no one can share it and the feelings that go along with it better!

Third, since so much of faith is the human response to the movement of God inside of us (Catechism of the Catholic Church 166)-- each of us can be learning more about our faith while we are sharing our story with our children/students. 

In fact, our timing is perfect! The pope recently declared this the "Year of Faith." (See my recent post here..) This year is a great opportunity to grow in knowledge of the faith we profess, so that we can better share it with our children.

To be sure, there is much more that goes into raising faith-filled kids, but this is an important starting point. Wherever you are right now in your personal faith journey, you have everything you need to begin!

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The Suffering Servant

Through his suffering, my servant shall justify many. (Is. 53:10)

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,but one who has similarly been tested in every way. (Heb. 4:15)

Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant;whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all. (Mk. 10:43)

Suffering is the central idea in this Sunday's readings. More than one Catholic sitting in Mass this weekend may have thought, "Wait a minute . . . isn't being a Catholic Christian about joy, peace, and other warm, fuzzy feelings?"

Didn't See That Coming
Here at the beginning of the Year of Faith, we believers are confronted with the reality of the Christian life: that Christ calls us not only to live a life of suffering, but also to make use of that suffering.

Christ himself is referred to as the "suffering servant" in Isaiah, and our redemption was gained through his suffering and death on the cross.  Many of the apostles suffered and were martyred, and lots of saints earned the title through heroic suffering in the name of God. Along those lines, a few weeks ago I wrote about suffering and its power to shape us into the people God desires us to be. (Don't Give Up)  

Time for Reflection
If we're going to grow faith-filled kids, this is one big, important aspect of being a believer that we'd better get straight right from the start! Consider taking some time to reflect on your own suffering, and how you respond to it in your life. (If there's one thing of which I'm certain, it's that anyone reading this is suffering . . . you're human, after all.)

What is causing your suffering?
How have you responded to it in the past?
If you haven't already done so, can you offer it to Christ?

Like my elementary school principal, Sister Marianita used to say, "Offer it up!" As for the warm, fuzzy feelings . . . it's not hopeless. By making use of our suffering and drawing closer to Christ, we experience a deeper joy than anything we could have found without Him. And that, my friends, is what will translate to our children and students, setting them on fire with faith in a God who can transform suffering into joy. God Bless You!

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